Jokes From the Cave

A New Job in Las Vegas

(NOTE: For Adults Only)

NOTE: The following joke was contributed by a fellow member of Stanford Wong's Blackjack Forum.

A man comes home from work to find his wife in the bedroom, packing her suitcase.

"What the hell are you doing?" he asks.

"I'm leavin' you for a better life," she replies.

"Where do you think you're going?" he asks.

"I'm going to Las Vegas," she answers. "I hear they pay $400 for a blowjob there."

The man thinks for a minute, then gets his suitcase out, and starts packing his clothes.

"What the hell are you doing?" his wife asks.

"I'm going to Las Vegas, too," he answers. "I want to see how you live on $800 a year!"

Taxi Cab Revenge

(NOTE: For Adults Only)

NOTE: The following joke was contributed by a member of Stanford Wong's Blackjack Forum.

A businessman takes a vacation in Vegas. He has a horrible run of luck, and spends his life savings and maxes out his credit cards. All he has left is his airline ticket home.

Getting into a taxi, he explains his plight to the cabbie. He offers to leave his drivers license or anything else until he can mail the fare to the taxi driver.

"You ain't got ten bucks for the cab fare to the airport? Get out of my cab!" yelled the taxi driver.

The man walks to the airport, flies home, and for the next year, he works very hard, and builds back his fortune. He goes back to Vegas, and this time he wins big.

Feeling good about himself, he steps out of his hotel to leave for the airport. At the end of a long line of taxis, he sees the cab driver who refused to help him last year in his hour of need.

He immediately figures out a way to get even with this guy.

He gets into the first taxi and asks what the fare to the airport is. "Ten dollars." says the driver. He then asks how much for a blow job. "What? Get out of my cab."

He proceeds down the line of taxis repeating the process and getting the same results.

He finally gets into the cab with his old friend, and asks him how much to get to the airport. "Ten bucks," says the driver. "Good." he says to the driver.

And as they cruise past all the other drivers in their cabs, he gives them all a smile and a thumbs up.

I'm a BJ Card-Counter, So Why Can't I Win?

(NOTE: The following was contributed by a fellow member of Stanford Wong's BJ21 Forum.)

There are three types of blackjack players ... those that can count and those that cannot.

Sincerity

(NOTE: The following was contributed by a fellow member of Stanford Wong's BJ21 Forum.)

Question: What is the difference when praying in church and when praying in the casino?

Answer: When praying in the casino you really mean it!

The Man Who Hears Voices

A guy went home from work one night and heard a voice. The voice whispered to him, "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, and go to Vegas."

The man was disturbed about what he heard and ignored the voice. The next day when he got home from work, the same thing happened. The voice whispered to him, "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, and go to Vegas."

Again the man ignored the voice, though he was very troubled by the event. Every day, the man was tormented by the same voice when he came home from work: " Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, and go to Vegas."

Each time the man heard the voice he became increasingly upset. Finally, after two weeks, he succumbed to the pressure. He quit his job, sold his house, got together all his money, and headed to Vegas. The moment the man got off the plane in Vegas, the voice told him, "Go to Harrah's."

So he hopped into a cab and rushed over to Harrah's. As soon as he set foot in the casino, the voice echoed, "Go to the roulette table." The man did as he was told.

When he arrived at the roulette table, the voice firmly told him, "Put all your money on 17." Nervously, the man cashed in his money for chips and then put them all on 17. The dealer wished the man good luck and spun the roulette wheel.

Around and around the ball caromed. The man anxiously watched the ball as it slowly lost speed, until finally it settled into number... 21.

The voice said, "Damn..."